We are going to Kyiv for Eurovision 2017: Why this SUCKS!

The wait is finally over. Scratch THAT! The unnecessary wait is over. For months we ESC fans have been strung along unjustly. Kyiv is the capitol city of Ukraine. Kyiv is Ukraine’s largest city and it was basically a shoe-in. So why the theatrics EBU? Why the wait?

The answer is simple. There is no answer.

Here are the top 5 reasons why Kyiv was the wrong choice to host Eurovision 2017.

  1. They already hosted. Eurovision often gives us the opportunity to explore places we wouldn’t normally travel. When Eurovision 2013 took place in Malmö, Sweden it offered ESC fans the chance to check out Sweden’s southern coast as opposed to the usual archipelago that is Stockholm proper. Always choosing a capitol is quite frank limiting. I live in Washington, DC which is the capitol of the United States, but when people visit the states they will try LA, NYC, Chicago, Miami… the list goes on. Capitol cities are great but they don’t offer EVERYTHING to tourists.
  2. Poor customer service. European customer service in comparison to American service, where our waiters and waitresses work for tips, isn’t a mystery but Ukrainian service is poor (allegedly) for even European standards. Let me say this, I will not be spending ANY money in an establishment that doesn’t see the value of greeting and speaking to customers with respect.
  3. Who wanted to go there? It seemed as if most Eurovision alums and even the winner weren’t too keen on picking the capitol city. Ruslana is arguably one of the top 5 Eurovision winners of ALL TIME and she had to host in Kyiv aka not her hometown. There were already a few groans about the return to Ukraine and I think choosing a place that could offer some features outside of the contest would have been better. I was pulling for Odessa and Lviv. Lviv has and old-town Prague feel that would have been awesome to explore. Odessa has the beach, and I LOVE myself some beach. But alas…
  4. The weather will not be warm enough. The average temperature in May is about  15.1 °C which isn’t warm enough for me to rock my hot pants and mini skirts. I know you want to be in hot pants and mini skirts too. Evening temperatures of 10 °C are not hot pants friendly.
  5. It’s too DAMN Big. Kyiv is a large city center and I am NOT looking forward to running around in  a huge spread out city getting lost and missing rehearsals. My hotel will be in the Desnyans’kyi district and Euroclub will be located in the Svyatoshyns’kyi District aka the other side of town. There is something to be said about the quaint nature of Lviv and the touristy convenience of Odessa. I guess we won’t get to know about that since we’ll be schlepping around the massive Kyiv. We already know that the venue is in the boonies… To make matters worse, cab drivers are notorious for smoking, driving crazy and distracted while speeding. Lord be with me…
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